how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
