She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
vagina is talking i cant
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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