I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
