it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
