my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
