Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize