it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
