thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
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