I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
did you just send me my own nude
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
