Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
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