Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
handjob tips. give me some.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
