Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Found your dick twin last night
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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