My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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