If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
