would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
