id be glad to
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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