the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
4 words: hood of his car
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
