sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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