I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
