onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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