oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
