shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
