thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
