When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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