Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
