NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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