i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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