Sry I called you an 8
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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