why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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