if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
