I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
