Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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