so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
