I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
