I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
