Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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