At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
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I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
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I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
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