I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
