it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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