Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize