I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
