There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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