is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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