I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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