please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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