oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
