No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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