I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
