I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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