When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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