If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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