Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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