Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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