I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on