i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Semen is not good for contacts.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.