Just fell off a train. Bad.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks