i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Help me help you realize you are a moron