o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.