The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
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I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
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If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.