this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on