i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
