Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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