There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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