"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
