We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
