I seem to have left my pride at pride
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
