mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
