People with herpes should wear stickers.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
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