Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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