The best revenge is premature balding
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
