I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I have tasted many bathrooms
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
