That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
