I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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