I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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