If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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