Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
ugly people sure do ruin things
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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