Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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